I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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