i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
