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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?