Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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