Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
He melted the stem
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?