So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.