Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
sex in a hospital.. check
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?