I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
