I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
