go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
