it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize