Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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