I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize