I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
