He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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