It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize