was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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