so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
