All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
