my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
