i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
