Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
vagina is talking i cant
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My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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