jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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