I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
