we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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