see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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