we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
