Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
How's work?
Spinning.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Randomize
