Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Are my feet made of real feet?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
