A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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