so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
