she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
