and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
