After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
