I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
