can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
