there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
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