hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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