I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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