So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
