Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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