Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
