oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
