Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
