Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
