so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
