I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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