he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
