you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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