i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
