recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
