So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
