we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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