It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
