The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
FUCK WHALES
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