if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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