a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
