Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
