So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
