he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
