Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
