did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
