just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
