What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
