help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He told me they were just razor bumps!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
