Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
