But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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