I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
