this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have fence marks all over my body
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
