my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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