You just made me feel so damn special
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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