I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
